pamela

2009-11-03T22:51:00.003+08:00

It scares me to think that I've caused things to change between us.
It doesn't feel right anymore. It feels so different.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But I couldn't put on an act.

I used to wake up to your text every morning. And that would start my day right. I'd smile to myself thinking about how lucky I was. I don't get those texts anymore. And I wait the whole day but I don't hear from you.

And when I do, it seems so superficial. I don't get much 'I love yous'. Yes,I do need that. Seeing that thats the only assurance I can get from being in a long distance relationship.Then again, I'd rather you say it because you want to and you mean it, not just because you feel you have to. You say you want to be with me and that I'm the one who put up the wall. But now it seems you're leaving that wall up. And you seem quite content with that.

Do you still think about me?
Do you still love me?
Honestly?

Maybe the trip wasn't the best idea. Don't get me wrong. I did appreciate you coming. But I guess things just didn't turn out the way we both hoped and expected. I did enjoy myself at times though, wishing the moment would last. Other times, there was just so much tension with my mom and stuff you did (which you probably didn't realise) that upset me.

'Now I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not losing you.
Why can't you forget the things I said?I was upset at that time but now I've cleared my head.
We were so strong,why did it all go wrong?
So tell me why I'm swimming against the tide,I'm praying for a lifeline cause I'm losing you.
So tell me why you don't seem to care enough to try.
Are you giving up this fight?I won't stand losing you.
What can I take to convince you we need more time.
I know I've made a few mistakes but losing you is just too much for me to take.'

2009-07-24T22:36:00.007+08:00

So the previous post was written out of a moment of frustration. Well,not a moment, had been feeling like that for the first week. But it's all good now. Great actually. And fuck what I said about shortening my stay. I am going to be around for a long time. Things change. I love my friends, things are awesome with them. I fell in love with someone I least expected myself to. And I miss him so very much.

I've been back for like 3 full days here and I want to shoot myself cause it's so fucking boring. I really don't know what I was thinking when I said I wanted to come back early. My bad, vickaye.

2009-06-26T02:32:00.003+08:00

It's been 5 days since I've been back. At times, I feel right at home as if I never left. Other times, I feel like I don't belong anymore.

Yes, I might not have many friends in Perth. But hey I've still got friends. And anyway I feel like I don't have much reason in coming back anymore. I think people are tired of seeing me come and go. And there are some who I thought were closest to me who are being totally weird. I am becoming quite used to the laidback lifestyle in downunder as well.
And another reason why I don't want to stay as long in Singapore anymore is all I do is bum around and spend money when I could be earning quite a bit back there. And everyone's busy with their own stuff, I don't expect them to make time for me. Everyone's moving on, while I feel so outdated in their lives. The people I thought I'd be most comfortable with, now it's just different. Why do things have to fucking change? Whatever I wrote on June 2nd seems like bull to me.

I feel wrong being back home. If I can still call it that.

2009-06-20T00:19:00.004+08:00

I promise I won't screw it up again.
We haven't known each other for long. But you get to me so much.
I want to make this work. I don't want to lose you as a friend. Not now or ever.
Our friendship is only beginning. And I'd like to see it go far and strong. Well, hopefully.
I promise I won't get you annoyed at me being annoyed at you that you say things like 'you're sick of it' or hear your voice so cold over the phone. It hurts me so bad but I guess I deserve it.
I made a promise that we won't end up like you and her. And I will keep to that.
This proves how I'm not too good for you.
And you are near fucking good enough(: the best.
ily J. x

2009-06-07T13:41:00.002+08:00

It's exactly 2 weeks and about 8 hours to my flight home.
It hasn't sunk in yet. I guess cause I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess I am happy to get back to catch up with people and get hugs from my loves. But I'm not overly excited as I would be. No offence friends,you know I love you. There's just a number of people who I would have liked to hang out with here in perth during the coming holidays. One in particular who I don't want to be too far away from at this point in time but what can I do. One month doesn't change much, do you think? Well, I sure hope not.
I wish you knew but I can't. Not now. Or maybe ever.

Well, gots to gets back to studying. Everyone's stressing over it. Am I the only one who isn't? I'm just not. haha. weird.

2009-06-02T00:48:00.004+08:00

I've probably said this in every post but how scary it is that time passes so damn fast?

And not only that but how sad is it that people change as time passes?how I change as well.

And how people just come and go in your life. Well, there are the ones you know will be with you forever. But then there are the passerbys. the ones you're close to for a period of time and then for some reason, like you probably lose touch with them. and you just stop talking.

I totally forgot about Friendster but got reminded of it by jeeves.and i was just reading through my comments over the past 2 years. some bringing back happy memories. some were just made me pretty emotional. especially ones from you. i really miss you and i hope you're watching over all of us(: heh. the others that were sad was cause you look back and you cant imagine you were that close you were to that person cause now you don't even talk at all. and it wasn't because of a fallout. but i guess you go different ways and then you just have nothing in common.

I believe that everything happens for a reason but why?It sucks.

I'm one who likes to make friends and keep my friends close. But like alyssa said some are meant to stick with you,others just aren't. so i guess there's nothing i can do hey? Memories is all you can have i guess. and just remembering how much fun it was with them. and this might be cheesy but i feel thankful that i had that chance to be friends with them. They'll always be in my heart,never forgotten. I'll always love them.

But then as people come and go,you just meet new people and there's others who stay and you end up becoming such great friends with. talking about anything under the sun. there's some who just over a year ago i wasn't talking much to.but one holiday changes a lot of things. And now I can't imagine not having them in my life.now and in the future. and of course there's the ones who i've known forever and its because of them i am who i am.and i cannot imagine living without them.at all.and there's some who i've gotten to know recently and i really wish those friendships would grow and last. geez i feel like such a kid but thats just how i feel(:

2009-05-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

So things are looking up from my last post. emo + thinking too much = not good.
Only I can make the best of it. I'll stop whinging. Suck it up. And do something about it.
I've been having a bit of life this week.haha. this coming week I've got quite a bit of plans. The only annoying thing is I've got 3 assignments due this week. But nah thats not gonna stop me.haha.
And on an even brighter, well for me, I'll be back in 5 weeks :DD
It's starting to get pretty cold here, can't wait to go swimming and jogging out in the sun back home.
and shoe shopping with L. and a manicure and pedicure with M. I've just got so many things planned. haha. probably won't get it all done.

Lately, people's been asking me about my love life and when I say its totally stagnant, they don't believe me. Is it that hard to believe? okay, so maybe in Singapore I always had someone. But I'm in Perth now. So it's a totally different story. And they make it sound like it's so easy to just meet someone. I wish. haha. My dear friend, Justin, said he'd find me someone. still waiting. haha. And I do not have a thing with a David!ily.haha.

2009-04-27T18:42:00.003+08:00

So it's a public holiday today and I have not done a single thing thats productive.except for annoy my siblings, watch television and sleep. I realised I annoy my siblings so much here because I'm just so bloody bored. I was invited to a BBQ though. Had the mindframe in the morning that I was attending it but decided not to. Let's just say, I think too much about a situation and I just psyche myself that its the right decision at that point in the time but after a while I regret it. Yeah, it's so stupid hey? And you think I'd learn from it.
I just haven't been in the mood to do any work today. It's one of those days you feel so unhappy and discontent. It just hits you somehow, no reason at all.

You know my granddad used to think I had a psychological problem just because when I stayed with him during the holidays, I'd lock myself up in the room. I mean there's nothing to do at his house. Anyway, it's been eating at me for the last few years since he's said that. What if its true? I mean I wouldn't know it myself. I swear I think I am going crazy being here. Yeah, I enjoy being in school but outside of it, it's dead. I have no one. I never get calls or texts to go out. Only ones from work asking me to come in early or from classmates asking me to save a seat for them.

So it's up to me to take initiatives right. To make the calls or whatever. But I'm afraid of the rejection or would they think I'm trying so hard or I'm desperate. Or the outing turns out to be a failure cause it gets all awkward and shit.

2009-03-31T22:37:00.002+08:00

It's been about 6 weeks since I've been back. And about 4 months since my last post. But I don't give a shit cause no one else does (:

Everyone that told me university was easy are such liars. I guess assignments are just not my thing and written tests are. I really need to work on my time management. Okay, so the workload is quite stressful and I'm still in the midst of making new friends and trying to get used to the uni lifestyle but I feel much happier than I did in high school. I guess cause people here are more mature and they don't bother about you much. There's not much bitchy-ness and everyone just wants to have fun. Well, thats my opinion.

But then of course there are the days when I miss BC and YY even more than I already miss them. Today is one. Was sharing it with L and yes, June will come soon. And even better my best friend, A, is arriving on Thursday and she'll be here for 18 days! :D

Two weeks of holiday from the 6th and a fun filled weekend( well,I hope so). Cannot wait.

2008-12-01T21:35:00.002+08:00

Yes, so that's me with braces. It really was a bitch the first few days but I'm getting used to it. Starting to eat solid food but I look like a frigging goldfish attempting that. Well, just a year and a half, think I'll survive.

It's december!

2008-12-01T00:53:00.002+08:00

Less than 2 more weeks and I'm home.
I wasn't expecting to be feeling this way.
As the date draws closer, not only do I excited but I feel afraid too.like you. of what, I'm not sure.
Like I'm dreading something.

But everything is alright yeah? I mean it will be right?

2008-11-23T20:02:00.006+08:00

Is the weather during spring supposed to be this shit and unpredictable? I got up this morning a very happy person because the sun was up. So I thought,' Lovely day to go for a walk. 20 minutes into the walk it starts frigging pouring. And I came home drenched and a very unhappy person. Oh guess what? After I had a nice warm shower, the sun was shining brightly. PERFECT. Anyway, today was my day off. And I haven't had a chance to be a bum and I decided that today would be the day. Been watching the first season of 'Supernatural' and boy is Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles hot.

These photos were from a week ago at Bec's pool/bbq/end of examination( well for most of them) party. Didn't swim much but I had fun. It was so good seeing everybody again, missed them so much.

2008-11-16T01:58:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALYSSA NICOLE DHALIWAL!!!
You're finally 18!I bet you're having heaps of fun now!
I love you so much and I'm glad you liked the card.
Miss you so much! will be seeing you very soon!!

2008-11-12T09:22:00.002+08:00

Geography's tomorrow. I have no idea where to start.
Do you know that after an hour into the paper you can actually leave the examination hall?I might actually need to do that for tomorrow. haha. Seriously.
It's a month till I get back home.
2 weeks till I get my braces:D
Exams end in 6 days.
Alyssa Dhaliwal's 18th and Bec's pool party's this Sunday.

And 38 hours of work next week. haha.joy.

Okay,getting back to staring blankly at my geography books.

2008-10-24T23:26:00.012+08:00

DINNER WITH SHAUNNA AND FRIENDS :)

PAM'S GRADUATION :D

2008-10-21T22:31:00.008+08:00

Thank you all of my loves for the wishes! oh my god, I'm 18!!!!
I always imagined my 18th to be pretty wild and big. But I guess plans change when you have the freaking exams exactly 2 weeks after. haha. Had a really nice small celebration in school and a yummy home cooked meal at home with the family.
Thanks again for the wishes. I feel so loved, a bit less lonely and not forgotten.hahaha. There were people who wished me that I would have never expected from.
Thanks Sarah Kerr for organising the small celebration thing.love you. And Alyssa D. for spending 3 hours on the phone with me in the wee wee hours of the night.haha. I swear I didn't know we were talking on the phone for that long, totally lost track of time. I miss you ): And thank you everyone else again!Vic, Yvelyn, Mars, Winsome....GAH!there's too many people! I miss all of you so very very much. Love all of you heaps.

2008-10-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

Eight hours of work today has made my feet so damn sore.
but it was a real interesting day.
This Year 11 girl I know from Corpus came through the drive thru and so I was like,' Hey Nicole!'. Didn't notice who was sitting behind her only until I gave her her order. And guess who it was!????! SHAUNNA!de souza?de cruz?Can't remember her surname. But I'm sure everyone knows who I'm talking about. So anyway she looks up,winds down the window and screams,' When did you move here?!Hurry up, give me your number!'. haha, gave it to her and she's like we have to catch up soon. How cool aye. Seeing a familiar face from home was such a breath of fresh air.

Oh we got our Leavers' magazine yesterday. It had the winner of all the 2008 awards. Out of all the Aussie guys in the year, the person who takes the Hottest Boy award is a fellow Singaporean, Marcus Annamalay. I knew he would win, he is soo fine.hahahhaa. I'm kidding. Steven won Most Romantic! haha. Which is very true. Yesterday, he left his books in class, so I got it for him and he's like ,' I officially love you now, actually I have always loved you'. Nawwwwww.hahaha.

it was 8 weeks yesterday!So it makes it 7 weeks and 6 days today.hahha.

5 more days of school. Graduation dinner is this Sunday and I haven't got a dress yet!yikes!

2008-10-16T22:44:00.004+08:00

You know those ice cream cones you get from mac's?I finished one today:D I feel so accomplished. I have never in my life finished one before.hahaha.yeahhhh.thought everyone should know.

OMG, I was so offended today!So we've got a free period for sport right,trying to find a room to do private study. I'm minding my own business,walking with Neesha and Steph,and then from behind me i hear Steven saying,' I'd rather sleep with Pam than pick out chewed gum from under the tables.' I turn around, smack him soooo hard and scream,' Excuse me, Steven?' And he's all like it's a compliment. And after a while he's like oh yeah,what i meant to say was,it would be my wildest dreams to sleep with Pam. He's so full of it. hahaha. I'm gonna miss him. He'd like randomly come up to me and pat my head or poke me. He's going to study nursing next year in whoop whoop and I'll probably never ever see him again):

Their relationship was a hope for mine.But now it's over, I'm thinking,' What am I doing?'. I'm scared and confused.

2008-10-11T13:51:00.002+08:00

The tenth of October was really not my day.

Firstly,my driving test was frigging canceled.
Got a call in the morning saying that the person who was suppose to test me wasn't well and they couldn't find a replacement. and I had to rebook a test for myself. Boy, was I pissed. The earliest date I could get was November 6th. I guess that's not too far away. But like I calculated that if I had the test yesterday, I could have clocked in at least 10 hours within the next 3 weeks. To vent my anger, I went for a jog. It was a really good one, got over it a bit.

The second thing was I almost had to do a party for work. And I hate kids! Okay, fine. 'Hate' is too strong a word. I'm not very fond of them. I was partly annoyed because of that and because I was already filling in a shift,so I thought that it would have been nice of my boss to mention to be that little information. Then, I got to work and found out it was a mistake. I was like, ' Thank God!'.

The final thing was 90210 was suppose to be showing last night but they didn't! Stupid channel 10. They had already pushed it to Friday,because Supernatural took it's slot on Monday. Now,I don't even know when they're showing it. I was looking forward to it. And yes, I would watch it online if there was sound coming out from my computer. And yes, there's 2 other labtops in the house but Andrew and Paulina are all like surfthechannel has viruses and shit. So yeah, I'm not allowed to use it.

God, I'm such a whinge. I'm sorry. hahaha. Have a good one people!
oh!on a brighter note. It was exactly 9 weeks till I go back yesterday!yay yay yay.

2008-10-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

Just 1 day and 19 hours more. WOW.
I have waited so long for the 12th to come. It is finally here. Well really soon.
I just can't believe. I feel like I have to prepare myself for something. But then again, I don't know what to expect.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tomorrow night. My heart is beating so fast just thinking about Friday. From departing Perth's airport to sitting on the plane to landing in Singapore's airport and the humidity hitting me the minute I step out of it. And the best part of it,pouncing and hugging the life out of all the ones I love.
It's weird. Kinda. I can clearly remember the events of Feb 9th/10th. Saying my goodbyes to everyone and crying my eyes out on the plane wondering how I would survive not seeing everyone for like 10 months. And I did. Surprisingly.

2008-10-09T22:54:00.001+08:00

practical driving test tomorrow!

i'm so scared i'd screw it up or something. i must pass it!

2008-10-06T08:27:00.002+08:00

hello world, it is the morning of my first mock exam paper.
I.am.doomed.

anyway,yesterday my dad was talking about going back for good. I think it was because of something my mum said. And my head went straight up and I was like,'Yes!can we please go back forever!' Then mum was like,' So you don't wanna go Curtin anymore?' and dad was like,' What?you wanna go back to do poly?' I know I just have 3 more years to get through but its still so long. I don't know why dad didn't foresee earlier how miserable all of us are. My mum's sick and tired of not having him around everyday. And I thought I was the only one counting down till when I got back but even my siblings are. Like both their msn nicks had 68 included in it. I mean yeah all of us have friends here but its really not the same. We are all dying to get out of here as soon as possible! And I don't know,it got me thinking that if we stayed back in Singapore ,the money that we've been spending on the flights back could have been used for some other things.haha.opportunity cost.
And it also got me thinking about the options I had. Poly was definitely out because I'd have wasted these 2 years. And I was so not going to do another 3. Anyway I heard of people transferring Uni's. So I was thinking maybe I do like a year in Curtin and then get a transfer or something to one of the Uni's in Singapore. I don't know how that works though. Another option I have is not go to Curtin and go to UWA instead. Because there they have some exchange programme and NUS is one of schools they do it with. But then again I don't know how that works,whether it's difficult to get into the programme or the criteria you know. Yes, it may sound silly that I could be exchange student anywhere else in the world, I wanna go back to Singapore. But I didn't see the point when I was going to be there alone and I'd be even more homesick. No family and friends at all with me.
I really had my heart set on Curtin though.
urghh.I don't know.
And I also realised that Leslie and Chantal both went to Melbourne(somewhere that has so much more life than Perth and somewhere I'd so rather be than Perth) and like after 2 years they went back to Singapore. Now having the time of their life.

Someone please take me away.

2008-10-04T19:16:00.002+08:00

I am currently addicted to Trella's song, 'The Gavel and The Block'.
I'm not being bias. It's just so awesome, I keep playing it over and over again in my ipod.
So very proud of them.haha.

God, I procrastinate a lot. I remember myself telling friends that this whole week of the holidays I would lock myself indoors and study my ass off. Well, I did fulfill the locking myself in. Been home alone this whole week,only seeing my family in the morning just before they leave the house and when they come back in the evening in which they head out soon after for dinner.
Studying my ass off wise, that hasn't been going too well. I'm just finding it so hard to put my mind to it. And no it's not because of a certain distraction.haha. I just can't be bothered. Yes, very bad. So yeah, haven't been using my time well,not totally regretting it though. haha,yes, very bad.
But but, it's the school's fault. Why oh why did they have to schedule the exams during the holidays?It's called the holidays for a reason. Didn't they think we needed a break from 10 weeks of school? The next holidays I get, without having this voice in my head reminding me that exams are really close, would be in 7 weeks. That's not too far away come to think of it. But it just means that I have to get through the exams first.rahh, I can't wait for it to be over. It would be such a relief.

'I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you'll feel me somehow.'

2008-10-02T13:36:00.002+08:00

you've asked me to update my blog and i shall.
i'll give you something interesting.

Body Modifications.

Does someone really need to go to extremes to try to be different from everyone?
There has to be a limit, don't you think? I reckon a piercing on the eyebrow,nose,lip,tongue and ears is quite enough already. Anything more would just be scary and bizarre.

Why do you want to cover the beautiful face God gave you with metal that's just gonna cause you pain and possible problems in the future?
Some people are born with deformities and they can't help it.I'm pretty sure they'd give up anything to be normal. And there we have perfectly normal and healthy people, wanting to spilt their tongues and what not. And branding? I think I'd encourage getting a tattoo over that. I mean why do people want to feel so much like animals?

Yeah, I guess it's a personal thing. But is it really worth it? Okay, so it might be free, but still?

It has freaked me out. But it's up to you, it's your body. I'd still love you anyways.

2008-10-01T12:18:00.002+08:00

I think I've got some explaining to do to my dear girls.

yehhhh.

love you babes!hahahha.

2008-09-22T21:23:00.005+08:00

this post is like 3 weeks overdue. kinda lazy eh.

so i'm sitting at the computer minding my own business,making the twilight countdown clock(hahahaha), it was 87 days then till i got to 'see my sexy mates'. who would have thought that it was going to be much much sooner than that. in my pj's talking to Adrian on msn and then these 2 people i really wasn't expecting to see, come through the door behind me screaming,' PAMELA TAN PANG HWA!'. it takes me like 5 seconds to realize who they were.I start screaming at the top of my lungs and another 5 seconds to tell myself that it was all real, that my eyes weren't deceiving me, that Victoria and Yvelyn were standing in front of me.I was so god damn happy that I was on verge of bawling my eyes out, I had to try to catch my breath too.

To Vic and Yve, this has got to be the best surprise ever. I'm sorry you guys came at a pretty bad time, what with the tragedy and I had school. I really hope both of you enjoyed your time spent here. I know I did, thanks so much for bringing some of Singapore here to me. I felt so much more at home. On the first morning you guys were here, I got up thinking,' Is Vic and Yve seriously in the room next to me?' Still had not sink in. And like both of you were living with us!I could just talk to yous whenever I needed or wanted. or more importantly hug you whenever. that's what I'm really deprived of.ha. I'm sorry for worrying you the day before you left. combination of emotions? just lost it. and i'm pretty bad at hiding it so I'd rather not ruin everyone's night. though I wish I tried and spent that time with you.
I love you so much and thanks for everything. Missing you heaps already.

It has also taken me 3 weeks to get over the shock from the accident. Every time I spoke to people about it during that period I found it so hard to give any thought to it. Like they'd say something like,' Life is so fragile' and I'd be like,' yeahh'. It was only on Saturday that I did some thinking. The ones we love aren't going to be with us here on earth forever. Anything can happen within a day. That thought was just so scary. I believe in God and I believe that when people pass away,they leave for a better place. But I can't imagine it.

anyway, I've decided to come back 2 weeks later with my family on dec 12th.
Reason number 1: Money. The friggin' aussie dollar has bloody depreciated. That just means I wouldn't get as much Sing dollars as I had planned. And the sooner I go, the more I'd spend earlier. And I calculated that within that extra 2 weeks, I could earn up to at least 1000 bucks. then there's the shopping for christmas presents and I still owe Dad money for the world youth day trip.
Reason number 2: The earliest date the orthodontist could fit me in to put my braces on is nov 26th. it was that or after the trip. I was definitely not going to wait another 3 months to have it on. So yeah, staying that extra 2 weeks would help me adjust and if i had any problems I'd still be able to see him if I needed to.
Reason number 3: It gives me some time to spend with the friends here. And it's summer!going to the beach is a must.
Reason number 4: It gives me more time to complete my hours, so I won't have to rush too much to get my license.
It's closer to the poly holidays too.
The only bummer about it is that I have 2 weeks less to spend at Singapore. But hey I've come so far, I think I could do it for another 2 weeks.
So yeah, it kinda makes sense to come back later hey?

hulloooo!!!

2008-09-10T21:05:00.001+08:00

hey hey to the blog of pam (:

yes. its an intruder all right! one which will never be able to intrude again because..well..i have no idea what's her password. haha. miss tan here just absent-mindedly left this page here. hee hee.

and like her msn conversations..IM HERE!!! muahahaha.

oh god. she's going to kill me.

so we totally didnt do anything today. except like..eat and slack around. feel like a bear. or like what yvelyn says.."hamster" (:

lalala. have no idea what to do tomorrow. what shall we do yve?

.. .. ..

she does not respond. haha. ok. suggestion given..visit the fellow tey sister.

so we'll let you know how it goes.

oops!! i hear the door. muahha. she's back.

AND GARY!! YOU ARE SOOO SCREWED! yve and i are never looking at our names the same way ever again! haha. asswipe (:

xoxo

fiesty rabbit & nice cat

2008-08-31T16:56:00.002+08:00

This was Rosy and Adam at our school ball. And it was on the front of todays paper.
It said 'One lived.One died- sweethearts in P-plate triple fatality.'
And it in a big font it had tragic twist and then on the side it has,'the family of crash survivor Adam Johnson was last night waiting to break the news of the death of his girlfriend Rosy White and two school mates'

Oh my god and the saddest thing ever is that on Adam's myspace he has th sweetest thing written on it ever.
"There is one smart, funny, beautiful girl put on this planet who I love more than anything, she is so perfect.
I love you Rosy xoxo"
"Rosy - I LOVE YOU more than anything, I love you now and forever. The second we part is the second I start missing you and I cant wait until you are in my arms again, I Love You xoxxox"

And on Rosy's it says,' The most amazing guy in the world
Thinks I'm perfect.
The most incredible guy in the world
Thinks I'm beautiful.
The most passionate guy in the world
Loves me.

My superman, my fairytale, my knight in shining armor, my prince, my boyfriend, my love.

I love you Adam.'

they were meant for each other. it's so depressing.

2008-08-30T21:27:00.004+08:00

It was all over the news in the evening, watching it was even harder than i thought. Our school principal, Mr Sadler was interviewed. And their were footages of my friends either at the school or the crash site paying their respects with flowers and notes.

James' sister is in Andrew's year and her msn nick was,' James you were the best brother ever. I miss you so much. I would give anything if I could just spend another minute with you.' I just cried. How sad is that.

And when some of my friends and I asked Mr Scanlon, the head of Year 12. Whether anything like this has happened. And he's like not as tragic as this where we've lost 3 students.

graduation was just 8 weeks away.

2008-08-30T12:19:00.004+08:00

This was the picture on the front of today's newspapers. The headline was' Three teenagers dead, two critically injured'.
When my instructor told my mum and I about it, we just thought what a waste of lives. And why do all these kids drive so recklessly?Maybe in the back of my mind i was thinking,'What if it was someone i knew?' I mean it was in a suburb pretty close from school and they were all 17.
After my driving lesson I got home and saw a text I got from sarah kerr. It said,' Did you hear?' The first thing that came to my mind was the accident. I was thinking to myself,'No,no,no. Please be something else. But if it was the accident,who was involved?'
I gave her call and she asked again,'Did you hear?'
'About the accident? where 3 died and 2 are in hospital?'
'Yes. It's James, Rosie, Brayden. Adam's in hospital.The other wasn't from school.'
I started shaking. I didn't know what to think or say. I just couldn't believe it.
I had classes with James and Rosie last year. I remember once when Brayden put his arm around me and said,' Hey babe,whats up?' Rosie was such a smart girl she got like A's in all her subjects. Brayden had one of the lead roles in this year's musical ' Fiddler on the Roof'. It's such a waste. They were such talented people and they had such bright futures ahead of them.
I went for the service in school a while ago. When Neesha and I got there, people were sobbing. My heart goes out to their whole group because they were such a tight clique. And I remember how Ashleigh Yates was talking about her birthday in 2 weeks. That Brayden has to be there but now he's gone. And when I hugged her,she was crying and was like,' It's not fair'. I didn't know what to say aye.
I'm still in disbelief. You just don't expect it to be people you know. My gosh and there were reporters and photographers at our school too. But our head of year said they can't publish the photos anyway.
Oh my god and poor Adam. He's lost 2 of his bestfriends and his girlfriend.He hasn't found out yet and he's like so out of it. I can't imagine how he's going to take the news. He and Rosie have been going out for like a year and they never seemed to have any problems.

All we can do is pray for their souls and families.

Rest in peace Rosie, James and Brayden.

2008-08-21T21:37:00.013+08:00

100 days to getting drunk with my sexy mates.

75 days left of sanity.( Well, less than that cause I am or more like, have started studying but you get the idea)

34 more days of high school.

i have another geography excursion next monday. going to the city. might be able to do a little shopping.haha.
oh!i'm getting my mould and all of that done at the orthodontists on wednesday!how long after that will i get my braces on?i really can't wait!

oh my god. i have to read a biography or autobiography for english and i chose this book called ' The Child called 'IT' '. It's about a boy who was violently abused by his mother. And it's so shocking reading the things she does to him, it's unbelievable. It gets even more and more cruel, you just wish that damn bitch would go to hell. Like one of the things she did was when he was 9 or 10, she made him put his arm over a lighted gas stove and just let his arm burn. She didn't even attend it, the poor child had to lick the wound. It's terrible and thats not the worst.

2008-08-09T11:50:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday

Sean Mossadeg!!

and Singapore.

I miss home ):

2008-08-03T16:17:00.008+08:00

Hey Alyssa Nicole Dhaliwal(:

As you know I'm horrible with words, so I tried to find a song to send my message across but I couldn't find the perfect one.
So I'll just put it very simply.

I will be here for you anytime. of course not very 'anytime' like vic or zhenyi. But I'm just a phone call away. and you don't have to worry about taking up my time or anything like that. because i don't exactly do very useful things with the time i have.
you feel insane so often!?you're like the normal one out of the three of us. i don't think straight most of the time.vic is just crazy luh huh.hahaha. but if you really insist that you feel insane,then i'm glad that i somehow make you feel the slightest bit normal.
and yes!i wont allow such a long break between us.hahaha.if im not wrong i have a six week break from june next year.wah!hahaha.
Just try to relax a bit. i know its easier said than done.but please try. i'm so worried about you.and the fact that i can't help you.and that i can't even be there to give you a hug or something just annoys me.
Don't watch Charmed. watch Gilmore Girls.hahaha. I'm kidding.
i really hope i didn't say anything wrong and that i helped somehow.
I love love love love love love love love love you times an infinity.
Please take good care xoxo

2008-07-25T19:25:00.006+08:00

The following are, according to Jess,

'Quotable quotes from World Youth Day'.
It's just stuff that each of us said without the intention of making people laugh or moments that cracked us up so much.
There were quite a few you-had-to-be-there-to-find-it-funny moments.haha.

The people who made it possible(from left to right) : Jessica Tearne, Simone D'souza, Laura Kendrick, Pamela Tan, Rebecca Tloczek

Bec: "ehhhhhhh"

Simone (to secret service man): "excuse me, are you hot?"

Bus Driver: "this is for when we have an accident and you ALL DIE"

(Jess is asleep)
Simone: "hey babe, how did you sleep?"
Jess: "I have frostbite on my bum, I lost my beanie and I spent the whole night with a shoe in my face"
Simone: "whose shoe?"
Jess: "mine"

Jess: "it was like a poo fountain" (I'll never be able to use public toilets again)

Laura: "you know New Zealand? Where's Zealand?"

"Jandles" (thanks NZ boys)

Bec: "Sunnies on, let's have a lie down"

Pam: "Jess, the curry from 5 nights ago is still here... do you think we should throw it out? It might have died"

(Jess is asleep)
Laura: "is Jess asleep?"
Simone: "well, here face is closed, but no one could possibly sleep in that position, so I assume she is awake on the inside"
*laugh*
Laura: "wtf"

(Simone and Jess asleep, Simone rolls over and punches Jess in the face)
2 seconds later- Simone: "snnnnoooorrrrreee"
Half hour later- Simone: (sits up dead straight and yells) "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Hot NZ boy aka Jordan: "see you later ladieeeeeees"
(walks off completely the wrong way... pretends to be going into a shop... walks in a circle)
(comes back) "I know where I'm going"
Bec/Jess/Someone: "same way as us?"

Jess: (putting on shoe) "ow! there's something hard in my shoe... how did two bits of chocolate get in there?"
Bec: "that could only happen to you Jess"

More hot NZ boys
"oooh look! It's a bus with a trailer on the back!"
"err no, it's a bus with a slinky in the middle"

Simone: "can we leave our valuables on the bus?"
Bec: "no there are bushpigs and they'll come and eat your backpack"
Simone: "...really?"

Sarah: "Pam Pam billabong bag, Pam Pam billabong bag"

Simone: "Sarah? Sarah is that you? (no anwer, ages later) Selena? Selena is that you?"

Jess: "what do you need four seats for?"

Something else I found funny was, in the warm fuzzy I wrote Simone, I said,' Thanks for sharing your Lesnak with me'. I literally meant the food snack thing. But she thought otherwise. How?

Well, there's this guy, his name is Leigh-san. Sarah and all of them have been teasing me about him since the very beginning of the trip. But Bec misheard his name as Lesnak when he was first mentioned. So from then on he got the nickname of 'Lesnak'.

So continuing with my story, Simone thought otherwise. After she read the warm fuzzy she was like,' Pam, he was never mine, he's all yours'.hahaha. Oh my god, Bec and I burst out laughing!

2008-07-23T16:01:00.008+08:00

Yes, I am back from Sydney my friends! Glad to be back home with a proper bed and a proper shower! I'm going to miss it though, the whole experience and fun. But like Anita said ,' It's just the beginning, not to end. And all of us have a lifetime together.' They're planning a whole bunch of activities, can't wait!

World Youth Day was even better than I expected, partly cause I didn't really expect anything. I had so much of fun and I made so many friends. I can now see myself not leaving church right after mass but actually hanging around and catching up with friends. I missed that part about going to church in Singapore, not anymore. hahaha.

2008-07-02T19:01:00.002+08:00

Alyssa Dhaliwal!thank you for the post!love the pictures.well, most of it. hahaha.

It just makes me think about how fast time passes by and how much all of us have grown up.
It's just so damn weird. All of us live day by day. It's so hard to explain what i'm trying to put forward.
Doesn't anybody wonder how our minds 'evolve'?haha. i don't know the right word.
It's like we grow each day.We begin to think differently.
Guess it got me thinking because of the stupid high school phase i'm in now. with all the damn bitchiness. Why is this phase necessary? I dont get how it's different with the friends back home. I mean we're only a year older. Or maybe we're already over that phase. and we've learnt our mistakes. now,everybody just gets along.

you know i always have something in mind to right about. When i'm thinking about it, I feel so happy cause I have something good to write about. And then when i get to my blog, I find it so hard 'write it down on paper'.ha. It gets me so frustrated!

so, in two nights,my whole family would be flying back home. i can't help but think about how i would be feeling if i was going back with them. i would definitely be ECSTATIC. But of course there's no point in doing that. All I can do is look forward to things.

4th July - Start of the holidays!
13th July - Off to Sydney!
1st August - Driving test!
4th August - Release of Breaking Dawn!
6th August - Orthodontist appointment ( I really am looking forward to it!)

That's about it for now. This would probably be the last time I get to come online, till about 2 weeks later. Staying with the grandparents for the next 10 days. hoorah.

2008-06-27T21:15:00.004+08:00

TWILIGHT comes out on 12.12.2008 in the US. I pray so very hard that it won't take too long after for it to come out in Singapore.

And Taylor Lautner is so damn cute!I think he's perfect for Jacob Black because he does have his boyish look. I really wouldn't mind settling for him.hahaha. I'm kidding.

'Take care of my heart, I've left it with you.'

2008-06-21T22:54:00.008+08:00

When he first walked into the shop, she couldn't help but stare. He was probably in his early 20's and wasn't very tall for that age. He was pretty good looking and had quite a hot body. That wasn't what took her breath away though. It was the way he looked at her. She never had anyone look her in the eye when spoken to. Most would look straight ahead behind her or have their eyes shift around constantly. This guy never looked away. Not once did he take his mesmerizing eyes off her. She almost forgot how to breathe. He was so polite and had a very charming smile, which made her day.
As she watched him walk away, she sighed to herself , knowing that this would be the first and last time she'd see him. She was never one for small talk. She wished she was, so that she could have maybe striked up a conversation and then some exchanging of numbers could have been in the making. Then again, even if she was, he was probably attached. He did order for two. In the real world, she was out of his league. It seemed that all the guys she dated before were jerks and didn't exactly have the physical features or looks that made you dreamy. Why was that? She came up with two theories. One:She just attracts the wrong set of guys. Two:She was never confident enough to fulfill her desires.

She had only recently started reading the book titled, 'Twilight'. The one thing that she especially loves is the way the author describe the character ,Edward Cullen. Like,' I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.' It makes her hope and dream that she could find her prince soon and that her love story could be just as romantic. But of course without the vampires and werewolves.

2008-06-16T16:56:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure about what I want anymore.
My parents asked me to pray for a good outcome. But which one is?
I might be getting what I prayed so hard for before,but not at the price that I have to pay now.
Then again, it isn't a life or death situation.
And I'd pay whatever the cost was, to feel that sense of security, love and human touch I long for.

Can I really wait that long?
But I guess it's not up to me.

We shall see what the higher power has in store.

2008-06-15T22:49:00.003+08:00

Money can't buy happiness.

Is that so?

I'm pretty sure it makes your life so much easier which kind of equals to happiness don't you reckon?

An emotional state of mind characterized by feelings of gloom and inadequacy. It is a mental state of excessive sadness characterized by persistently low,loss of pleasure and interest.

2008-06-12T20:07:00.002+08:00

I am a very strong believer in karma.

Right now, I'm trying to think of what I've done to deserve all of this shit.

Actually,it's been going through my mind for a really long time. I know I've done a lot of
wrong in my life. But seriously,this punishment is way too harsh.

bloody hell. God's just being one hell of a bitch right now. After saying this, he's

probably going to make the situation even more screwed up.

2008-06-09T17:46:00.002+08:00

After Thursday, studies can go screw itself. I am so tired of studying. It's probably the most that I've done for th year and it's not even that much!I know,I know. I should put more effort into it but there's just so many things on my mind at the moment.

Sex and the City was really good. One of the parts made me want to cry because the emotions were so dramatic and real. Anyway, it got me thinking about marriage.

Can you imagine that in about six to eight years,most of us would be settling down with our one true love?haha.It is quite daunting thinking about it. It's probably every girl's dream to get married, it is for me I think. Well, it was. I've become quite skeptical about it,hearing the stories from my Mum about her friends' broken marriages.
One of them had her husband walk out on the family ,she didn't even know what the problem was. He never wanted to talk about it. Now her two sons are taking his side. And she's just so disappointed. It was quite a shock when my mum told me about it, cause last year they invited us over for dinner and they were happy and stuff. But she said that he knew how to act like everything was normal in front of guests. Funny thing is her husband's three brothers are all divorced.

Another friend's husband was always traveling, and surprise surprise he found himself a mistress. It happened like 7 years ago. I remembered I used to see her crying in church or at functions, I never understood why. And only later did my Mum explain the situation to me. And their son was probably like 4 when they got divorced.

If that were to happen to me, I don't think I would be able to cope with the pain and sadness that comes along with it. I'm a wreck when it comes to break ups already and thats really nothing compared to a marriage break up.
But I wonder, do people even try to make it work? What happened to,"To have and to hold,from this day forward,for better,for worse,for richer,for poorer,in sickness or in health,to love and to cherish 'till death do us part' "?

But of course there are the successful ones. My parents would be a perfect example. haha.I'm so proud of them. On the 30th of July, it would be their 20th anniversary. And its just being married together! They were going out since my Mum was Sec 1 and my Dad was Sec 3, with a couple of breaks in between till they got married. And I don't think I've ever seen or heard them fight before. And people actually had doubts about their arrangements when we came to Perth. They proved them wrong alright!

Guess all we could do is hope for the best. I can't wait to attend my friends weddings though.hahaha. Okay, it's still pretty far into the future. I should get back to studying.

2008-06-05T22:52:00.002+08:00

2 exams down, 3 more to go. Discrete Math's tomorrow, it's quite a relief from all those other theory exams. We're really lucky here though, we get to bring in 4 pages of notes in for the Math exam. If only that could happen in Singapore, would have saved all of us the trouble memorizing those freaking formulas. Bloody hell.

Andrew,that lucky numbskull, is flying back home in a week's time for his confirmation camp. It struck me yesterday about the affirmation letter we got to read from our parents during the second day of camp or something. And I remembered how during my year 12 retreat, Sarah not only got a letter from each of her parents and Colin but also from her older brother. And I thought,' Wow, how sweet of him. I would be so touched if my brother did that.' So I decided to write Andrew one. It's like 2 pages long.haha. It's funny that I got quite emotional writing it. I was tearing while I wrote this, 'I love you, Paulina and Ashley so very much,even though my actions may seem otherwise. I really do.' And I just broke down. I guess it was out of guilt, like I mentioned earlier in the letter,'I'm sorry I haven't been a good role model to you and Paulina and I'm sorry for not being the best big sister around.' Like I felt bad for taking advantage of this great family that I have and that some of the things I've done have been so inconsiderate and insensitive. I felt kind of upset too, cause it made me remember how they sometimes say to me,' Why can't you be kind and caring for once?' I usually ignored it but I guess it just only got to me,so there was that element of hurt because I do try.And it made me to realise how much I really loved my siblings and to treasure them. It makes me want to be a better sister, to stop being mean and always look out for them. Well, I hope he likes the letter anyway.

Sex and the City with Mummy tomorrow!

2008-05-29T23:37:00.006+08:00

I admire how some girls are so good at saying 'No' to food. I wish I could do that aye. But it's too hard I love food too much. I tell myself some mornings,' Okay Pam, you only get to eat breakfast today' and the next minute you see me snacking on something.haha.

I love my winter uniform too :D

Not loving the Leaver's jacket too much though. Like what's up with the freaking flame??I paid a hundred and fifteen dollars. I expected something better! I'm not pissed, just thought they could have chosen a better design or chose nicer colours. haha. Do not diss my myspace pose. yeah, I know I look like shit.

Oh and we had to fill out this Year 12 questionnaire and hand it up tomorrow. It is not easy mann. I'm just gonna put the list down with the people I chose even though no one reading this would know. haha.

Hottest Boy:Marcus Annamalay Biggest Hair:Neesha Gomes Most Makeup:Sonja Huebler
Hottest Girl:Paloma Smith Biggest Ego:Daniel Casey Most Mature:Leslie Gabriel
Best Body:Luke Mattarocchia/Karsha Syred Biggest Mouth:Yazan Majrouh
Most Annoying:Alexander Sardo Best Hair:Ian Beven Biggest Flirt:Jaimi Botica
Best Kisser: ???? Most Hairiest:Alex Walker Most Sarcastic:Sarah Kerr
Biggest Attention Seeker:Ashleigh Collard Best Couple:Jeremy and Sonja
Biggest Barbie:Danika Sharpe Most Romantic:???? Best Car:Dominic Lim
Biggest Rebel:Jordan Newman Most Innocent:Cassandra Endris
Best Laugh:???? Biggest Cadbury:Kaitlen Selby Most Gentleman Like: Samuel Carello
Best Dancer:Jeremy Lee Biggest Look-Alike:Ashleigh Yates(Ginny Weasley)
Most Revealing:Kirsten Surgeson Best Party:Matthew Fenwick Biggest Bogan:????
Most Likely To Be Famous:Simone Van Vugt Beau of the Ball:????
Biggest Chick Fight:???? Most Likely to be a Millionaire: Aaron Maynard
Belle of the Ball:Lauren Mason Biggest Emo:Jonathan Colgan Biggest Metro:Jake Northcott Most Likely to end up in Jail:Alex Borserini Worst Haircut:Matthew Stagg
Gayest Car:Lawrence Clay Biggest Gangster:Christian Jaswan
Worst Laugh:Aleisha Cajaglis Clumsiest Person:???? Toughest Boy:Troy Lively Worst Driver:Marc Papineau Funniest Person:Alexander Caniglia
Toughest Girl:Breanna Vos Lamest Joke:Gary McVey Funniest Laugh:Temily Cao Blondest:Stephanie Randazzo Longest Relationship:Liam and Ella
Nicest Smile:Winsome Cham Ditziest Person:Camilla Masten
Class Clown:Steven D'Angelo Nicest Person:Rebecca Tloczek
Cutest Person:Jessica Wijanto Hidden Beauty:Philippa Spurr

yeah,so those with the question marks are the ones I have no idea what to put. I'll just get it off someone later. A couple of people said they're putting me clumsiest because of that unfortunate event that happened to me at the sports carnival. Steven said he's putting me for that and cutest.grrrr.he wasn't even there!

Study at Neesha's place after school today with Bec and Steph. yay!pretty excited,hope we get some work done though.haha.
i asked Steph what she got for her Leaver's jacket and she said 'ouch'. And I was like why? Neesha asked me to guess. I said,' Because you hurt easily?' Steph's like,"Noooo,you know how my surname's 'Payne'?" I burst out laughing mann!Don't you guys find that funny?hahahaha.

2008-05-28T19:14:00.006+08:00

Shit Happens. On the positive side I'm glad I made people laugh.

I've been listening to a lot of Lifehouse and Switchfoot recently. I'm so drawn to Lifehouse's songs more because their lyrics are just beautiful. And though everything's been really good here, I feel kinda homesick. The song 'From Where You Are' really gets at me when I listen to it, I love it.

From Where You Are
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face

Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Think I've posted the picture of Shaun, Sean and Sufi before but oh well.
These people are always on my mind(:

2008-05-23T23:28:00.003+08:00

I have never been this happy in quite a while.
Things with friends have been going well. I'm really proud of one especially, I'm glad we're pretty tight now. Love you dear. And the other issues that worried me so much before, concerning other people, well it's kind of died down for now. I hope it's forever. I did not like that tension at all,being ignored and having to put up a front. Over it.

And the whole drama which involves a very special friend of mine, it didn't go as bad as I thought. He really is special, never met anyone quite like him before in my life,ever. I feel so lucky to have had that chance. I wish he wouldn't just be a high school friend. He never fails to put a smile on my face. We've talked about it anyway. I'm always going to be his ' lil pam' and he, well, the spastic brother I never had. And I'll always love him no matter what, even when he shoves my pencil case down his pants.

I'm quite confused about how I feel now though, about a lot of things. But it isn't bad. It's hard to explain.

Anyway, here's a quick update on what's been happening or going to happen :
- Feast day mass was today. And I gave out communion for the first time!
- Attending the school's musical tomorrow! 'Fiddler On The Roof'. Can't wait!
- First Semester exams are in a week. All the best to me!
- Athletics Carnival on Tuesday. Taking part in the 100m race and 100m rely. Doomed!
- Think I'll be getting my Leaver's jackets next week. Finally!

Why can't everybody just get along? Leave all grudges behind and make up. Wouldn't that make life easier for everyone?

2008-05-09T22:34:00.012+08:00

back from retreat. hmmm it was alright. i really did prefer last year's one though. yeah, it was pretty good anyways.

2008-05-05T17:30:00.009+08:00

Christ Church Grammer School's ball was awesome mann!I had so much fun. I actually enjoyed it more than I did for mine. And the weird thing is, Sheng was the only one I knew and not even that well. haha. Everyone was so friendly and I met so many people. And I guess I felt more comfortable because the group I was with for the befores and afters were all asians.heh. The afters was pretty good,hilarious much, drunk guys trying to dance to 'Low'.

2008-04-28T21:59:00.005+08:00

The holidays are over,school's starts tomorrow. 2 weeks went by just like that. swoooosh! those things i planned to do,well it never happened. probably only the movies with sarah lim. and mini golfing with chrissy. It was a pretty unproductive and shit holiday. boring to the core. gonna get into shit with the teachers for wasting time with the exams in 5 weeks.oh boy, i'll need the lord's help for this.

My dad was here for a week though, drove down to Busselton. guess it was a nice place to relax and all. but like I didn't have that much fun. I didn't feel like getting into any activity, I didn't feel enthusiastic. I felt bored. Like paulina, andrew and dad played archery and they went fishing well I just watched. They didn't catch anything anyway, water was too choppy. We went to some jetty which was about 2km long and it was sooooo windy, it was quite a task walking against the wind. and watchin the seagulls try to fly against it was hilarious. Like they'd try to fly a little bit, they get push to the side and end up going in circles in a clockwise direction.teeheee. It was a real pretty place.

Andrew posing for the picture

think this was the half way point or so of the jetty

didn't take many pictures of anything else.couldn't be bothered.bahha. Christ church grammer school's ball this saturday!

2008-04-09T21:18:00.004+08:00

Ashley came back last night!haha. I was actually looking forward to it surprisingly. It's kinda sad that he's going to be away for so long, to National Service. But it's good too, he can buffen up!hahah.

Just 2 more days of school yo. But I've got 3 tests over that period. I cannot wait for the holidays, I am so tired of school. I've already got stuff planned for it!haha. Probably paintballing with Christina and Sarah L. next week. Then dinner gathering at my place with Cham, Sarah K. , Dylan and all. Beach with Neesha and Steph. Freo Prison with Ashleigh, Juls and Steven(hmmm, not too sure bout that one), movies and Daddy's coming in the second week so we'll probably drive down south for a day or 2. And!! Perth Zoo!!!hahaha.

You know how i said in one of the previous posts that i was sure i like him? I think now, it could be one of my silly crushes. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me in that way. But I'm happy with being good friends with him. He's becoming pretty popular with his band, inside and outside of school, so I'm pretty sure he'll meet like other hot girls. Ashleigh was making fun of him saying he's like shallow and he didn't deny that. oh well.

I've decided that I'm going to get braces and pay for it myself. I know it's pretty expensive but I'll just work like 4 times a week i guess. Hopefully I can pay by like weekly or monthly installments. I can't wait anymore. I've waited long enough. I've been asking my parents for it but they always try to avoid talking about it. I've tried explaining to them how so many people I know got them and they look so much better now. They just think I'm being vain.
I'm sorry I care so much about what other people think. But doesn't everyone? I can't help but feel that people always stare at my teeth. I hate it. And quite a few people have made comments about it and I'm sick of it. Like they ask me,' Have you thought about getting braces?' oh what the fuck do you think. And everytime I look through CLEO or some other magazine, people's smiles are the first thing I look at. And they are all perfect. Straight white teeth. And I always look forward to the day I get to have those. Okay, so my freakin annoying crooked teeth isn't very obvious in pictures.so what? Do people look at my picture when they're talking to me? I don't think so.
Like in Singapore, they'd say through the government is cheaper but the wait is gonna be long. Private was too expensive. My Dad then said oh I could do it when we move to Australia cause we can have it subsidized. What he didn't know was that when you applied for the Medibank scheme thing you had to wait a year till you get the benefits. And well we haven't applied for it yet and I'm so not waiting a year. It's just something that bothers me every single day. Like I think to myself should I smile or should I not. Yeah, I'm just whinging now. I shall stop and do something about it.

2008-03-29T20:31:00.003+08:00

Okay!so as of tomorrow, Perth and Singapore
are going to be the same time alright!weird stuff but yeahhhhh.

At work today, I slipped and fell in the huge freezer ):
I was carrying a box of fries and i didn't notice a layer
of ice on the floor and yeah I slipped backwards.
boohoo ):
this is how steven reacts, really sympathetic.

steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pam. hopeless love. says:
thats not funny!!
pam. hopeless love. says:
ive got a bruise on my arm now
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
haha!
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
it is so funi
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
was it a good fall?
pam. hopeless love. says:
ehhh you could say so?
pam. hopeless love. says:
i was cryin a box of fries slipped on ice on the floor and like flew backwards
pam. hopeless love. says:
carryin*
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
hahahah
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
tht is so good!
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
i wish i was ther!
pam. hopeless love. says:
haha!thank god you werent
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
i wouldn hav laughed tho
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
until i no ur ok
steeeeve!!!! sooner or later masturbate or lose says:
then id laugh!

2008-03-28T17:19:00.006+08:00

hahaha. mossie, i would think that you were more ' The Mentos Guy' but since you insist that you are gummy bears than alright.haha. well there wasn't anything about gummy bears but there was 'The Jelly Bean Guy' which is pretty similar ? let's see what it says.

The Jelly Bean Guy
These kind of guys are good for
a quick 'sugar' fix. They basically
equate to your garden-variety
pash and dash- fun for a little bit
but it won't last longer than that.

There you go!hahahaha.

Had my geography excursion to White Rocks Farm in Benger. It's a two hour drive away from Perth.i enjoyed the long drive.I always do. I love the country side. Like the wineries, farms, saw like cows,horses and camels!hahaha.
The dairy farm itself was boring.and oh my gosh!the number of flies around just annoyed the shit out of me!The place smelled,well obviously cause of the cows.hehehe.my friend, Alex, got cow poop on his shirt.ew ew ew.it like splattered on it.haha.how funny.

Hello COWS!mooooo.

Bec putting the suction cups to the cows tits.hahaha.

the farm!

sophie and i on the grand stand!

2008-03-27T20:15:00.003+08:00

Guy Candy.

i read this article couple of months ago from Girlfriend.and did you know that the different candies you find in the confectionary aisle totally represent the type of guys out there?? well, i didn't.hahaha. And it is all surprisingly pretty true. Well, here's a couple. ENJOY!!

The Mars Bar Guy
These are the boys you know
you probably shouldn't have
too much of (i.e. the really hot
bad boy, the smooth talking
player..), but you're attracted
to them all the same. Be careful
though.coz once you take a bite,
things can get very,very messy...

The Mentos Guy
If you've devoured an entire tube of
Mentos without giving it a second thought,
you'll know what we're talking about.
These are the kinda of guys you wanna
hang out with all the time.
You can't help it,they're addictive!

The M&Ms Guy
M&Ms equate to your all-round,
classic nice guy.
They're fun,cute-as-a-button,
and you've always got a soft spot for them.
No one turns down M&Ms!

The Flake Guy
Flakes are super yummy, but really, they fall
apart the moment you take them out of the wrapper.
This is the seemingly perfect guy whose perfection
rapidly deteriorates the more you spend time with him
-like when you meet a smokin' hot boy..only to
discover that he's about as much fun as
clearing a blocked toilet.

2008-03-25T19:12:00.002+08:00

oh yes!i forgot to mention how shopping with steven went.hahha.
anyways, this girl holly from year 11 joined us for a bit.
like in between.
the first thing he said to me was,'You're really small'
arse.
a short while later he asks me,' How's the weather down there?'
bigger arse.

it was pretty much a day of walking around aimlessly.
but don't get me wrong,it was fun:D
haha.
we got his drumsticks,i got a reversible belt for andrew's birthday present.
we were suppose to go watch 'Drillbit Taylor' with his friends.
but he couldn't be bothered after that.
so we just hung out for a bit more.

yeahhhh.

2008-03-25T16:22:00.003+08:00

With You

I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And there're hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight

When you talk to me
I swear the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart
And I'm so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and

You mean to me
What i mean to you and
together baby
there is nothing we won't do
cause if i got you,
i don't need money,
i don't need cars, you're my all.

I'm into you,
no one else would do,
cause with every kiss and every hug,
you make me fall in love,
and now i know i can't be the only one,
i bet there are hearts all over world tonight,
with the love of their life who feel
what i feel when i'm with you.

I don't want nobody else.
without you,there's no one left then.
i gotta have you and i cannot wait now.
say you care for me,
you know i care for you,
you know that i'll be true,
you know that i won't lie,
you know that i would try,
to be your everything.

And i will never try to deny,
that you're my whole life.
cause if you ever let me go
i would die.
so i won't front
i don't need another man.
i just need your all or nothing
cause if i got that
then i'll be straight
Baby,you're the best part of my day.

My most played song at the moment.
well,it's not the whole song.just bits of it. and i changed the woman to man of course.haha.
anyway, the point is...i love it!
nawwww.how sweet is it.
makes me dream a little dream.
and well some parts just mean a little something to me.
:O

2008-03-22T20:19:00.004+08:00

To: Winsome Cham

yeah!i know!
hahaha.
he like offered me gum which he was already chewing.
and jelly beans!

what the hell.
you have his name bold and in red.
he like chose to give me the red jelly beans in packet.
hmmmm.hahaha.

yeah i gave him one of the M&M easter eggs.
and he gave me a hug.
nawwww.

2008-03-21T19:52:00.002+08:00

i am sick of being treated like a child. like we have freakin passwords to get on the computer. and of all people paulina's knows it. and like andrew and i have to ask her to log onto the computer for us.like wtf. i was soooo annoyed about it today i just started going off. and then my mum decides to tell us the password.i mean does it take one of us to get mad before they tell us what the password is? god they know we're not capable of checkin out porn sites.thats just disgusting. i just use it for msn man.

yeah anyway on a brighter note. i am pretty sure that i like him. but i've never gotten what i wanted.like in terms of boys. the guys ive gone out with told me they liked me first. ive never told a guy i liked him and had it actually work. guess i'm afraid of rejection and im never sure of myself. and im also afraid that the friendship would never be the same.that it'd be weird.
i don't know if i should tell him how i feel. i really like how things are between us now.should i just be happy with it?
but i really miss being in a relationship. quite a few people i know are in one. and its sweet. i miss getting cuddles from the guy you love. and sweet kisses on the lips or forehead. i miss having a guy's arm around my waist and the feeling that he'll never let go. and just knowing you've got someone there for you.there's just heaps of things i miss luh.

i don't know what to do. i'm calling alyssa tonight. for help!hhaha.

2008-03-15T12:19:00.003+08:00

i can't believe i've been back for more than a month. it sometimes feels like forever.

but it also feels like it was just yesterday that i was having BK brekkie with the

girls.hahaha.

it's so complicating. like i want time to slow down a little,so i could catch up with the

shit loads of study and homework that i get each week. then again, i want time to fly

by me until december, so i can go home and see all of my friends.and enjoy being

freaking 18 with them.yeah!

we had a year assembly on wednesday and like the head of our year was giving us

some countdown to the end of term and exams and what not. so there's 17 school

days left of this term. and next term there's only 20 school days till the mid years.what

the hell mann.and there's still so many things to cover. and then after that ive only

got one term of school left.scary stuff.

Everybody meet the Love Dinosaur. Steven drew it in my diary.haha.

2008-03-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

' I hope you're up for drama,'cos your life resembles a TV soap this month'.
haha this is my horoscope this month. i wonder what it was in January.haha.could have been something similar.You know sometimes i think these things aren't total bullshit like they can be so true at times.i swear.
Like the whole ball thing.what the hell.that was major drama. and then now the soundwave situation. I really don't wanna mention anything here bout it. Because i couldn't care less like i really don't see why you should be so mad at me.

yeah, most people found soundwave freaking awesome. but for me it was alright. haha. ashleigh was all like,' you paid 100 bucks to go to this gig thing and all you think of it is alright!?' i'm like yeah.guess it isn't my thing. i enjoyed the bands that i really wanted to catch. But the crowd and the other hardcore bands just put me off man. Didn't feel comfortable at all and i got like a headache at the end of it. yeah,experience.

i'm just glad things between kerr and i are good.really good actually. might be hanging out this Saturday. yerp. guess it was just a huge misunderstanding. she and colin paid an extra 8 dollars for the limo by the way. cause she kind of realised now it is pretty unfair that I have to pay the full 120 dollars. yeah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRYAN!

2008-03-02T12:42:00.009+08:00

THE BALL"S OVER :(

it was pretty fun while it lasted. not much different from dinner dance. But just a bit

formal and grand with the before's and afters and stuff like that.DJ was pretty good.

haha. yeah it was an awesome night. it was pretty depressing during the slow dance

though.when all the partners got on the dance floor and swayed to 'Iris' by the Goo Goo

Dolls. But Steven saved the day.hahaha. took my hand and we danced for a bit :D he

came with a partner but they were hardly together. haha. weee.okay. here's a couple

of the pictures.yeow!

2008-02-25T21:07:00.005+08:00

swimming carnival today!haha. all i did was check out the guys.hahaha.nah kidding.

well not really:D man,i wish i was born in the year 1992. the guys are so much hotter in

that year. felt like such a loser 'perving' ( that's what winsome calls it) on the guys in

year 11. can't help it. they were really hot lah!sadly i didn't steal any shots of

them.hah!

and driving lessons start for me on thursday! hell excited and nervous at the same time.what if what if i crash into a powerbox?!haha.im kidding.i hope she doesn't read this. wish me luck!

2008-02-24T23:56:00.002+08:00

This is for jaclyn chong yo.hahaha. babe, hope you get well soon and please take care. love you heaps. i'll be praying for you. love love love!

2008-02-22T21:46:00.005+08:00

I want to go home now.

things just suck here now.

it's not my fault dan isn't allowed to go to the ball. they can't

expect me to pay for 2 for the limo. effing 120 bucks mann. it's either that. or i find

someone else. but it's not that easy you know.it's not like i know many guys who would

wanna go with me.

urghh.yes i want to take the first flight home. yes, i can't face problems.i can't try to find

solutions to them.as most of you know i like to runaway from them.hoping that things would

just get figured out by themselves. it just seems easier that way. i have no where to run

to now. i can't like walk over to aly's place and say i wanna stay for the night with my

best friend.

i really really need a fag.i swear. 12 days without it.woohoo.cant stand it.haha.

2008-02-21T19:23:00.002+08:00

He's not allowed to come.

dateless.

his sister is gonna speak to Sadler. it's useless.

they even gave him back the refund for the dinner.

pretty pissed at him too. he knew how much i was looking forward to it. kept asking if i was excited.i'd be ,'hell yeah!' could have always gone for the mass first and then his sisters celebration right.

now all the fucking plans are ruined.fuck lah!

it actually means a lot to me. i mean when will we ever get a chance to attend a school ball again?never.

2008-02-20T19:30:00.002+08:00

Pretty happy today aye. Got the invites for the befores and afters from Sarah. Made my hair and make up appointments for the ball. oh!Target had some offer on Maybelline products where the second item you buy is half the price. bought the sky high curves mascara (oh my gosh,it really gives your lashes nice high curves.lovin it!) and a sapphire eyeliner. That would be the fifth mascara that I own. hahaha. I love love love cosmetics. Like collecting the different colours and products. it's so fun.

yeah.so anyway my mood was kinda ruined, when i found out that Dan might not be able to go to the ball.yeap. All because he didn't attend the fuckin community mass yesterday. Mr Sadler can just go burn in hell. Don't know what the fuck his problem is mann. I'm gonna be dateless. great. and like i was really really looking forward to spending the night with him. and now this. what the fuck. you have no idea how fuckin annoyed i am. like if i didnt have a date from the beginning i would be so fine with that. but like having everything planned 3 months ahead that i was going with Dan. and you know you kinda picture what will happen that night. now.FUCK!!!!

but they can't not let him go right. he's paid and everything. he even got us a matching corsage and pinhole. what the hell. urgh urgh urgh. i really really hope they'll let him go.

My name is Caramel.

2008-02-17T12:02:00.003+08:00

I've got my Soundwave ticket!oh my i heard 'Boys Like Girls' dropped out of the concert. i really hope it's just a rumour. They are the main reason why I'm going for the gig.

it's just 2 weeks away. along with the ball!
there's quite a few things i need to do before that.
1. Get accessories and maybe a clutch (very very important!)
2. Find a hair style
3. Find a hairstylist and a make up artist.
4. Compile a cd for the limo
5. Go to the florist to order some flower to put in Dan's tux's pocket. (yeap, I never knew that.only found that out last week)
i think thats about it.yeahh.

There's so many things i got to save up for too.OMG.
1. For the leaver's jacket (110 bucks!)
2. For Sydney trip, leavers and the trip back to Singapore at the end of the year.
3. braces (yes, trying to persuade my Dad to let me have them and i'll like pay half of it.must have it by this year)
4. and of course cosmetics and clothing.

Should i take a chance?

2008-02-14T21:31:00.008+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day all!

Dan got me a stuffed toy doggie thing.it's so adorable!hahahah. I really wasn't expecting it. Like we planned to hang out during lunch but he like disappeared, then when we did find each other he was like would you follow me to my locker i was like yerh sure. actually thought he wanted to get some other stuff. then he like took the gift out.awwwww.but people were staring!i was like,'go away!'

And winsome got sophie, sarah and i this really cute key chain from Hongkong.

Yeah,so the picture on the left is a drawing of me.hehehe. asian chick with blue hair.and the one the right has my name.oh can you see the 'fri'?yeah.when you put it all four of our keychains together it says friends forever i think.hahaha.i shall get a picture of it tomorrow or something.Thanks chamface! i love it and you!:D

Say 'No!' to throwing babies off the cliff

2008-02-13T22:06:00.003+08:00

It is V day tomorrow people!more like D day.with touchy couples all around.exchanging of gifts made with love.ha.girls talking about where their boyfriend's gonna take them for dinner.oh god.hahaha.i'm sounding like such the Grinch. I am definitely one who is into V day. It's nice to see love all around us. I've got a date my friends.oh yes, a very adorable one. Mr William March. He's going to be sharing with me his short story, 'The Prisoners'.How very thoughtful of him. I'll then need to write about it next week for a test in school.joy.
I think I'll just be dreaming of my ideal Valentine's date tonight in my sleep.

Can't can't wait for the ball. I still need to get my accessories. And I need to find a place to do my make up and hair. It's just 2 weeks and a half away!
It's going to be a massive weekend. The ball's on saturday.then the afters till the morning. on sunday the whole of year 12 are going to cottoslowe(however its spelt) beach for a beach party.oh yeah. And!SOUNDWAVE on monday.awesome shit there yo.

2008-02-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

10 fucking months till i go back to Singapore. Dad was like,'Hey, absence makes the heart grow stronger.' No shit. I cried myself to sleep yesterday, like the minute we got to our gate I was tearing and then on the plane I just weeped till my eyes were sore and I slept through out the whole flight.haha. I felt even more upset than the first time I left, think I had too much fun and the thought of only going back at the end of the year was a dreadful.

First day of school wasn't too bad. Pretty awesome shit seeing all my friends again. But it really sucks balls that I have got so darn much of work to catch up on. Quite happy with the teachers I have. Well, really hope this year sails by smoothly. Drama is definitely out of the picture.haha.

Some of the few things i'm really gonna miss at home :
-Walking over to my dear Alyssa's place at anytime of the day and our last minute sleepovers
-Friday night dinner's with Vic and Alyssa
-hate to say this but the tormenting of Jem and Bong
-the late nights just hanging out
Guess just all of my friends. Oh, and the guys. I'm pretty deprived of the company of them here,haha,so yeah. And the two really cute guys i know and really wouldn't mind going out with them. B and S.haha. Think only Aly and Vic would know who I'm talking about. Oh well, maybe something could happen when I get back.heh.

2008-01-01T15:08:00.000+08:00

2008.holy macaroni.
turning 18 this year.means more freedom.oh yeah. last year in college. I don't wanna think about what the year has in store for me. I shall just wait and see.

New year's eve was an interesting day. Overall, I guess I enjoyed myself with the company and all. Met him in the afternoon, made my day :) The chalet was cool, nicely decorated. But as usual someone always gets pissed drunk so we end up having to look out for that person. It wasn't too bad though, met new people and it was fun for a bit. And then the 'slumber party' at Aly's. That was pretty good. Oh gosh, Vic I was really glad I had that talk with you. It was an awkward topic to talk about but i didn't feel awkward if you get me?haha. I've always wanted to talk to someone about it cause i was just curious about how others felt and stuff.and it's good that i could chat with you about it.you really listened and like didn't judge. So thanks so much!

And i'm really sorry alyssa,victoria,jaclyn and my other friends that worry about me about what I've been doing. I know that if i were a good friend i would think about your feelings and just stop. But then again, I don't want to make false promises. And i swear I'll take good care of myself. Thanks for your concerns really.

2007-12-28T17:11:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i haven't updated for like more than 2 weeks.but i guess the main reason why i do blog is to let my singaporean homies know whats happening in my life in perth.so while i'm down here i don't see a point cause it usually involves them.
anyway it's been freaking awesome lah!i don't ever wanna leave but i know i have to!shit.if i stayed, alot of things would be different.i swear.maybe better.i don't know.
everyone's telling me how jealous they are of me being able to study in australia.like i am totally grateful but i really rather be back home you know.my parents say i can decide on where i wanna stay until after Uni.but thats another 4 years lah fuck.
its ages.and i'm scared i'll change my mind.like i kinda did during the year.but it's still too soon to say.so who knows.
okay,i'll try not to think about it at the moment and just enjoy myself here while i can.i have been enjoying myself a lot.and it's like nothing really changed between my friends and i which is awesome. and i'm so glad that people are more open to each other and more willing to make friends.i guess it's because we're older and much more mature. i seriously have met so many people during the last 2 weeks which is fantastic because i really really enjoy meeting new people.i love it. it means connections and understanding different kinds of people.haha.yay.

2007-12-12T20:37:00.000+08:00

two more days.

just gotta get through tomorrow which i think will be passing

quite fast because I'm going shopping and the movies?And then

it's Friday everybody. The day that I'm flying back to my mother

land and seeing my very awesome friends!:D

why aren't you replying??How bout like today huh.

2007-12-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

I passed my L's theory test!30/30.woohoo!But it was hell easy aye, just needed to practice online, so not much of a biggie. Most of my friends are learning how to drive already. I can't believe I actually got it done, I've been putting it off for the longest time. meh, I can officially learn how to drive!oh yeah!
bad thing is I can only start practicing when I get back, that's 2 months later!mann.
Did a Mcdonald's party today. It went pretty well, there were only 8 kids!hahaha. And pretty cute , enthusiastic ones so it made it easy for me.
And I had to train this guy from china, he's like 20 but he looked so young like my age. And he wasn't very tall, was pretty hard to converse with him. Thank god, he didn't try speaking mandarin to me. I'd be like, ' WHAAAT?'

4 DAYS :D

2007-12-08T14:03:00.000+08:00

Did some spring cleaning today. Have it all tidied up for the inspection of the house on Tuesday and clean before we fly off for our super long holiday on Friday:D
How did the name 'spring cleaning' come about anyway? Like did that person who made it up decide that spring was just the right time to clean the house? Shouldn't it be a year round chore?
What happens in Singapore then when there are no seasons. What should they call it? Or maybe the word spring just has a different meaning. Is what I did today even called spring cleaning?
haha.okay.now I'm just talking shit.
So it's like 3.15pm here now aye. I'm thinking that during this time next week, I would probably at the church retreat. How holy. This would be the last Saturday I'm spending here for the year. This would be the last Saturday I'm working at Macca's till next year. Real awesome shit cause that's usually the busiest day of the week.

5.35pm on the 14th December.

2007-12-07T12:50:00.001+08:00

I've been having really awkward dreams lately. Can they even be called dreams if it didn't help you sleep peacefully? I don't know, that's my idea of what dreams are. That they're sweet and you get through the night without a problem.
The one's I've been having make me toss and turn so much. And I just feel irritated and upset, I have no idea what over but I just am. Is it alright to feel that way? Bothered by nothing? I just feel that there's just something but i can't figure out what exactly.
I'm seriously sounding crazy.haha.
So anyway, my 'dreams', isn't a complete thing, it's just flashes here and there. Like short stories. And it somewhat involves the friends I have in Singapore and the ones in Perth. Like everybody in this huge world is connected some way or other.
I don't know why I'm having these. Paranoid over something? Afraid of the future? Yes, that I'm pretty afraid of cause you never know whats gonna come at you. And nothing ever goes as plan.
I really like Angel's Serenade. It's the most beautiful song ever , really touching and sad. I want it to be played at my funeral which i pray will be in another say 70 years time. lol.
WORK.joy.

2007-12-06T21:39:00.001+08:00

Retail therapy today was goooooooood. HARBOUR TOWN!
got what I've been looking for a long time.summer dresses!like 3 of them. And a black vest!quite a lot of places have that.like it isn't hard to find.but just the right price.most costs like 30,40.50 bucks.the one i found was 20!which i thought was really good.mum reckons its a good bargain too.yeah, so i got it!
I got this like metallic V-neck blouse for new year's.definitely getting a party dress thing for christmas,just haven't found the right one.more shopping for it next week!
yeah, i think I'm spending way too much money.might need a temp job when I'm back in Singapore.
Since coming here, I've kinda learnt how to be more confident in myself. especially my body.yerrp. Like every where I go here, people just wear whatever they want. They don't care if it's too revealing or if it may be too tight and shit. They just wear what they like and feel comfortable in. So yeah, I'd never thought I'd see the day when I would be wearing anything sleeveless because I hate my arms. But all the summer dresses I got are strappy kinda thing. I've decided that I shouldn't give a fuck about what people think or say about me. Yes, because they should accept me for who I am and not what I look like. I should accept myself and the fact that nobody is perfect. And just be myself. Love myself :)
Most of all enjoy my life without always worrying about what other people's thoughts are.
That is Pamela Tan's motto ya'll.
peace out.

2007-12-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

Aly, you were so right about the ending of season 3 of ''The 'L' word". It was so sad!yeap, I spent the whole of today watching it.with my mother.and my sister. It was seriously awkward but i couldn't get it working on the computer. So i didn't really have a choice to watch it on the plasma tv cause we only had one dvd player.yes, that is even more tragic than the ending.haha.
you know i'm kidding.haha.
But it kind of got me thinking. How's it like to lose someone really close to you? I really can't imagine that. Like yeah I've lost my grandparents on my mum's side, but i wasn't really close to them. Yet I felt so much pain and you try to think of memories you've had with them. And every now and then it just comes up.
So losing say,a close friend( touch wood,but shit happens) ,it'd be so much worse. Knowing that you won't ever see them again or like be able to confide in them. And you'll probably think about the times you've spent together.good and bad. and you just wish that you could even have a bad time with them right then than have them gone forever. I don't know, I just think I wouldn't be able to cope with it. I'd just cry my heart out for days and weeks and not be able to accept the fact.

To me, some movies or like shows help you to explain the problems or happenings going on in my life. Like I watch it and then I think to myself ," That could probably be a reason why......." or " No wonder."haha.yeah. For those who did watch the series, you know how Alice and Lara hooked up after Dana's death. My mum reckons it was a way to overcome their grief because they were both close to Dana. And like it was a kinda rash action, you get my drift?
And I guess I'm just saying I did really foolish things when I was upset before especially when my grandma passed away. I was pretty messed up and really wasn't thinking about the consequence and all.
But that's the past and yeah. We learn from our mistakes. Awesome.

2007-12-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

matt's party was interesting.haha. like even though it wasn't as wild and not many people were there than the last one,i enjoyed it much more than the previous one.i guess it's cause now i know so many more people and i kind of had a bit more courage to speak to people. the last time i was pretty shy and all i had was pris and she was freaking acting pissed so that didn't help very much.
got to know a few more people, spoke to some random but cute guys there.haha.
i wished i never drank.puked once at the party.got back at like midnight.puked again.from then till 7 in the morning,had to go to the toilet once every hour.haha.so of course my sleep was freaking disrupted.haha.mum's so sweet, she gave me a tablet and let me sleep in.and they all went for mass and met up with my cousins for lunch. this is probably the first time i missed mass for a very lame excuse.haha.

i really can't believe I'm coming back in less than 2 weeks.tell you the truth i'm really not as excited as i used to be.have i mentioned that?like i really can't wait to see all my friends back home and do the things i miss most.but then now i have a life here.and i will definitely miss my friends here.i didn't think i could get so attached to people within these 9 months or so I've been here.but yeah, i have. and i was so excited about staying 2 months back in Singapore.but now i feel that's ages. then i feel bad, cause i've been away from Singapore for so bloody long. and so 2 months is really little compared to like a whole year here. so i really should just see it as a good thing right??like staying for 2 months and making the best of it.
oh my god. this sucks.

i just can't wait till after this Sunday.honestly.i'm such a sucker for guys who are such sweet talkers.can't wait to go to the movies with him.wonder if he genuinely likes me. i wish i could have more time to spend with him and get to know him better over the holidays. then at least things would be more comfortable at the ball. urghh..what to do.

One More Time

2007-11-30T11:16:00.000+08:00

Dinner Dance was the bomb!

It was held at the Fremantle Sailing club.real beautiful place. When we got there, everyone just mingled and took pictures. It was a buffet styled dinner but obviously no one went for seconds. Food was good though, yum! And just as hour into the night , everybody got their asses on the dance floor!oh yeah! the songs were so damn good! it was pretty much like clubbing, the DJ's were awesome. and there were those disco and flashing lights.gosh, it was just one very AWESOME night !oh, and there were awards given out. 'Best Male/ Female Outfit' , 'Best Male/Female Dancer ' and 'The Cutest Couple of the year'. and obviously i didn't win any.ha.

yeah.took heaps more of pictures.uploaded them on facebook. this week was a pretty cool one i must say. except for Monday.oh god, i can't stop thinking about how much i screwed up the fucking accounting exam. seriously gonna pull my A down to a fucking C.i swear. anyway, on a much lighter note, Tuesday was officially the last day of year 11 baby!but they freaked us out by saying how little time we had together next year.owhh. and we got our year books!yay!colin picked sarah,winsome and i from school and then we went to sarah's place then headed off to the city for shopping. oh yeah. dylan, yazan,tim, claire and adrian met us. spent like half the day there.then went back to sarah's place to play her PS3.haha.and the girls stayed over:) yea.then on Wednesday , mum picked me up.and then we went to shop at Garden City!bought Christmas presents for Aly, Vic, Jac and Yve.yay! hope they like it :P Thursday, Dinner Dance. Today, nothing very exciting. work! Tomorrow, Matt Fenwick's party! Sophie's gonna bring the drinks and I'm gonna share with her :D Sunday, there's some barberque for Andrew's soccer team, so the whole family's invited. and I'm really hoping and not working so i can meet up with Winsome before she freaking flies off to Hongkong cause i won't see her for like 2 months!hehehe.

2007-11-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

australian idol finals is on now.
but obviously i can't watch the whole thing.

urghh.

you have no idea how much i want tomorrow to be over and done with!

anyway, i'm rooting for the one i have been from the very beginning.

MATT CORBY!
hha.

but i wouldn't be very sad if NATALIE wins.cause she's awesome too.haha.
i wish i was in sydney.it looks so fun to be there. watching the whole concert.

2007-11-24T14:32:00.000+08:00

sixth sense.
that's what winsome calls it. but i'm pretty sure it isn't. purely coincidence.

the first thing was she doubted that her dream ball date would say yes. she was expecting a no. and like one other said she didn't think so. but i told her that i had this really strong feeling he'd say yes. i wasn't only trying to make her feel good.but i really believed he wouldn't say no. i mean winsome, who could say no to you? :P
and well, she plucked up all her courage and asked him. he agreed in the sweetest way ,'yes, i'd love to.' she's the happiest person alive now. haha.i think.

the second thing was on the last day of school before exams started, we were talking about ball dates and stuff. everyone in our limousine had dates except for me. she asked me who i wanted to take but i really didn't have a clue. i was thinking about guys who i could take as friends. then again i still wasn't sure. i mean its always nicer if a guy asks a girl.
and then i told her that i was hoping that just maybe someone in the school might secretly like me but didn't dare come talk to me or never got the chance to. i'm not trying to be proud or anything, it was just a wish?a dream?i don't know.i hope you get me.
and well this happens just a few days after:D
like i said i was hoping but didn't expect it to come so soon. i doubted anything would happen because of the exams and then the holidays i would be gone for a long time.so there wasn't exactly much chance for me to get to know anyone.expected that if anything would happen, it would be when i get back to school.

it's just weird. haha. a conspiracy. i'm kidding.

he thinks i didn't know he existed before we spoke to each other. but i told him,nope. i notice him everyday. around the canteen.walking with his friends. walking past my geography class to his english class. haha.yeah.

back to studying.blast it.

2007-11-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

Dinner Dance in a week's time.hoorah!

mum's like i should just go as Pamela Anderson.reason 1)i am

busty too.hee. 2)she thinks I'm a real bimbo cause i say the

dumbest things.

e.g i call my mum at home aight and asks her where she

is.lol.yes, very stupid.god, i sound like lynette.haha!

'she's gonna cheat on you dan!', thats what his mum and sis

said after they saw my pictures on facebook.i don't know.but

i'm pretty affected by it.like they don't even know me and they

make these kinda assumptions.we're not even together yet!

and if they knew about past relationships, i'm not the one who

cheats. i don't do that. i was the one that had my

heartbroken.shit.

2007-11-21T20:09:00.000+08:00

"If i were Romeo, would you be my Juliet for the ball?"

okay.so it's pretty cheesy but sweet. don't you think?

it's better than "If i were to look up 'beautiful' in the dictionary, i'd see a picture of you" .yes, very bad pick up line. thank god he didn't use it on me.heard that during math class. ha.

i'm really really happy anyway :DDD can you tell?haha.

i guess i was hoping. i never thought something would happen so soon.

2007-11-17T20:32:00.000+08:00

GO AUSTRALIA!HAHA.they won the netball world championships.gosh, the games were so awesome.really miss playing netball.

you silly one.
BACK AWAY FROM MY PAM.
you're so funny.
like i said, I'll always keep in mind that it's because of you that I've made so many awesome friends. and you've never once made me feel left out and always made me feel welcomed. you've done so much for me to help me fit in. thanks for being the best company ever during economics and accounting. you always make me feel good about myself.it feels good to know that you can open up to me so freely. its like you trust me that much. yeah. i love you , MOLE! no one can ever replace you.

and to the one that has a dream date for the ball. its so fantastic talking to you all the time. you're so funny. and remember that i'll always be here for you to talk to. i'm so very happy that we were put in the same retreat group. got to know each other so much better.and tadah!look at where we are.hahah.and thanks so much for everything.you're always so generous and thoughtful. i love you , MOLE NO.2!haha. you're so awesome.

ANGELS :D

EXAMS. BEACH. SUSHI. DINNER DANCE. SINGSTAR!

2007-11-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

golly.i wish i could take back all the cursing i made about the chilly

spring weather. Because i definitely prefer that to the freaking weather

we experienced here today.39 degrees man!

watched "Butterfly Effect" last night. it was a pretty cool show.so the gist

of it is that he could go back in the past and change it just by reading his

journals.

how awesome would that be if we could do it?if i could do it.there's so

many things i wished i could change. i regret so many things i did do and

things i didn't do.but most of all its what i have done. this sounds crazy

but i really haven't forgotten many of the things i did. i was such a bitch

might still be.i don't know. I've been having quite a lot of flashbacks

which i want to forget. but i just can't. it's like i need forgiveness from

those people i had hurt. but i feel silly bringing up the past because they

would probably brush it off. I'm afraid it might bring negative feelings

back. like they remember everything and then things will turn out hell

awkward. i remember that i was super super petty before.oh my gosh, i

feel so embarrassed about it i wish i never existed.

and then there are the things i wish i had done. like stand up for myself.

and say 'NO'. yes, that must be my biggest regret. i could have stopped it.

and then things would have been very different. friends wouldn't act

weird around me. and people wouldn't gossip so much about what they

heard about me. or my parents and friends wouldn't have been so upset

for me.

I'm kinda glad that things are turning out a bit better, i guess it's because

everyone's growing older and are more mature.

I'M SINCERELY SORRY MY DEAR

FRIENDS.

2007-11-06T22:02:00.001+08:00

Some people here are such disgusting thieves! sarah and sophie's lunch got stolen from their bags.like what the hell. they steal anything they can get their hands on.i've already had a few of my stationery missing, it's really frustrating! i'll just have to go back to Singapore to by them, they've got a wider range of stationery, much cooler too.haha.
winsome and i were thinking about whether the people stole their lunch because they were actually hungry and had no lunch or just did it for the fun of it. if it was the latter then i think that'd be pretty stupid hey.wasting food.

the exams officially start next thursday. but my first paper's only on the following monday,which is the 19th of november.economics!then my last two papers are on the 26th. last day of school the next day. and because school ends early, my friends were thinking of going into the city!yay, and then sushi for dinner!yum!the last time i had sushi was in july when i went back hey.pretty long time.
so technically i've only got 7 days of school left.WOW.

i can't wait to shop for new clothes with my birthday money.
oh!i got this tee from jayjays.its the cutest thing!it says "I ONLY DATE MUSICIANS"
hmmm, thats kinda true. i really find musicians attractive. it just shows that they're talented.teehee.

2007-11-04T19:42:00.000+08:00

can you believe that we're into the month of november?this means that we've only got 2 months left for the year and then hello 2008!time does fly, really fast.

Jasmine's party was pretty good.just had the music on and bonding. went around the different groups there to chat and get to know people better. we went to the nearby park about three hours into the party. it was a chilly night, but i liked it. it's going to be the last few that we're gonna have because temperatures are going up. and mann, do they know how to conserve energy here. the park was pitch black. you really could not see where you were going or who was in front of you. the only light that we got were from the cars that drove past. but it was nice being there with friends. felt so rebellious, a whole big group of about 20 or so teenagers out at night taking a walk in the park.haha. nah, im kidding about the rebellious part. i felt safe too because we had a couple of guys around. but they were mucking around most of the time. so actually it wouldn't have made a big difference. and it was the most beautiful night ever! the sky filled with so many stars, and we found the southern cross. ahh, how pretty.

sideshow

2007-11-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

alyssa dear, hope you liked my totally awesome card. wish i could own a bear like that. pinch its cheeks every night man.

i got a pay rise!YAY FOR PAMMY!yes from 8 bucks to 10 bucks(aussie) .be very jealous people, be very jealous.hahah im kidding ya'll! yeah, got the rise cause i turned 17.how totally awesome. imagine if you got a pay rise like that everytime you
turned a year older.god i think everyone wouldnt mind working at macca's for the rest of their life.but of course there's some maximum age thing.

what the fuck else happened?
haha.excuse my very random vulgarity.im not pissed or anything.just watched "Superbad" fucking hilarious.yes, the language is fuckin coarse.and well, i just felt like swearing and shit now.guess we do learn stuff from teh movies.the best part is i watched it with my mama, isnt she like the coolest ever.i love her.

on the topic of my mum.it upsets me to see her upset. and the only time she does is because of a total asshole. okay, i shouldn't say that, because it is rude.but i really can't stand how he treats my mum.it has happened so many times!too many to count. my mum's been telling me her problems with him for years. he's so friggin' insecure bout friends. he keeps them so close to and leaves us out on outings and shit.but fuck, my mum has known them for an even longer time mann.i dont really care,its more my mum. like when my dad came to visit us during our last holiday, he kept calling and wanting to meet up with us. and he didn't get the point that we havent seen our dad and my mum ,her husband for ages and we all want our own private time together.but they kept insisting to meet up.it really was annoying but my mum's afraid of him, she's afraid to get him upset because he's got such an attitude. and like just last weekend, their friends came over to visit. and surprise surprise people, they didnt bother calling us along to go spend time with them.like what the fuck. thats the time when my mum would like to hang out with her friends as a whole group and they dont call.fucking retards. hmm, i think ally might know who im talking about. try to keep it to yourself. there's just so many more that has happened but no one knows about.and my mum usually keeps it from friends and only tells my dad and i.i just really really hope this won't happen to our family.bahh..yeah i love my mummy.

i've got a party tomorrow. Jasmine's!too bad there's no alcohol. her rents are hell strict. ah well, im sure we can have fun without it.(that's what she said).

42 days friends.

2007-10-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

i can't believe i can finally blog.been working the past few nights and i've been so so tired.yeah.
i found out my ball is on the first of march, it seems like a long time away but it really isnt.everyone's been asking about dates and limo's.my limo's settled,going on an 8 seater. sarah sophie winsome and i and our partners. the first 2 are bringing they're boyfriends, so winsome and i are really worried. its just nice having a date you know.to take pictures with, and to dance with. and with me going back from dec 14 to like feb 10 i would only have 3 weeks for someone to ask me out.and thats like so last minute!hmm..worst come to worst im ask someone from macca's or anybody willing to fly over to be my date??haha.kidding!

did i mention that i was becoming a special minister in my school and church??it means i can give out holy communion!im really excited cause like i'll never get that chance in singapore.and its a way to get involved.wee!

oh and here are the pictures from the retreat!some are mine and some are my teacher's.there were so many things we did.it wasnt really that much religious as ours in singapore.lots of activities.those from sfx!you know that balloon game we used to play.like we had to try to burst others and try to be the last one standing.and there's a story behind warm fuzzies you know that.haha.yeah well, there are some random shots, pictures of the groups and activities that we did.there are heaps of pictures so i'll post more up tomorrow:D

As you can see i've edited the post.made the pictures a bit larger and added a few more in.i got a proposal!hahaha.

2007-10-21T14:47:00.001+08:00

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE WISHES GUYS!

pam-myra: i am not an aussie!i am a true blue singaporean.oh yeah!
pam-vic :hahaha.love and miss you too!its not a few more months.its less than 2 months!oh yeah!
pam-yve: yeah i cant wait to go back either!miss you too!oh yeah!
pam-ally:i love you!haha.

i cant believe im 17.17 years of being alive on this earth.haha!wow.anyway, didnt do anything or not doing anything on the actual birthday but had small celebrations the past 2 days. went to sizzlers on friday night.love the food.so yum! thanks especially to kerr for organizing it.

Sarah baked the cake for me.chocolate!

lovely:O

the asian group.hehe.

2007-10-16T22:09:00.000+08:00

i am really happy with how things are for me now.things are going pretty well.i feel that i'm fitting in, and that i actually belong here. After the year 11 retreat, it has brought me much closer to friends here. i've made friends with people i never knew were around and people i never thought i could ever be friends with. the amazing thing is within this 8 months or so, i've made really close friends, much closer than some ive known for a couple of years back home.

But though things are pretty good here, i really really want to go back. i really wish there was some way that i could be at two places at once.or i could just drop everything i have here and fly back.i really want to be back with some of my friends. i want to bash up the people who have upset you. i want to be there for you physically. try to brush your troubles away. it hurts me so much to see you guys upset and worrying about stuff and i cant do much to help.i want to give you guys the biggest and tightest hug and never let you go.i want to be able to talk to face to face and listen to your problems and help you with them. yes, well i just want to be back home.to be by your side.

this post is dedicated to both my lovely friends alyssa and yvelyn.love you guys heaps.

haha.vic!i love you too.hehe.

2007-10-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

after what seemed like AGES!i have got my internet!so yes.i can totally update.on this dying blog.hahaha.lots of things have happened so i shall let everyone in on the stuffs daily.

let's start with the most recent exciting thing that happened.it would probably the perth royal show :)

these are the people i went with.

winsome cham!

sarah and colin!how cute are they!

ben and sophie!

when we first got there i guess we were just looking around at the showbags.i got the supre and cleo one!heaps of goodies inside.everyone else preferred getting like the chocolate and lolly bags but i didnt think it was worth it. it was pretty fun.it's just like those carnivals you see on the movies.heaps of things to do but pretty expensive. there were games you could play to win those huge stuffed toys.or sit on those rides that make your heart jump.

we went on the chairlift.sat with winsome.the weather was perfect.it was nice and sunny.and very cooling.

yeah.so we spent practically the whole day there.like from 11 to 9 at night.the rides at night were the best!but they were like 8 bucks per ride.bloody hell.spent like $140 there.but did a bit of shopping.and of cos stuffing myself with food.haha.we all felt like such free loaders and pigs.there was some food demonstration stuff going on.and when we saw that they were giving out free food we sneaked into the audience and got ourselves the yummy food.heh.there were animal competitions too.and coloured sheep.haha.or lamb.they're not the same right?
yeah.the best part was that the show ended with bang!haha.FIREWORKS!they were so beautiful, wish i could share it with a loved one.you know what i mean.
we took the train back to freo and colin drove us back to sarah's place.SLEEPOVER!we played SINGSTAR on her PS3.and then watched high school musical 2.i love that movie!and her house.it's so awesome.her parents are really nice.and she has the most adorable and chubby cat ever!ROSE!

and the funniest thing happened to me at work last week.was doing a breakfast shift yeah.it ends at 1030 by the way.so anyway at like 5 to 11 in the morning.this guy comes in holding the Hungry Jacks(equivalent to BK back home) voucher and asks what time breakfast ends.i say 1030.and he's like are you sure.im like yes i'm very sure.thinking to myself who does he think he is.and he's like cos im pretty sure the voucher says you have breakfast until 11am.i'm like that's because this is Mcdonalds and you're looking at the Hungry Jacks voucher.haha.yeah.he slaps his forehead and laughs to himself and walks off.lol.

2007-08-26T14:24:00.000+08:00

it's Australian idol Fever now baby!

so much more enjoyable to watch than singapore idol. no offense people but its a fact.the contestants are so much more talented.a hundred times better.

but then again there are the losers who can't sing for nuts and 'won't take no for an answer.or those who just want 5 minutes of fame like one guy who dressed up as borat i think.what idiots.

anyway i know who my idol is.

Matt Corby!

my reasons are --> he's so friggin' cute.love his hair.his voice is AMAZING.he surfs and skates.he's a Copeland fan!hahah.love the way he dresses.

there's just something about him.he's got a bad boy kinda look.but when he speaks you know there's an innocent and soft side to him. he's sixteen by the way.and writes his own songs i think.thats what i like :P

please do check him out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdIIUY28Sok

i promise you will fall in love with him.haha.

2007-08-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

julia's party was awesome.it was sweet and innocent.it was a very simple gathering thing.we played 'singstar' most of the time.played passing the parcel.hee.and other kiddy stuff.brings back the childhood memories alright. it was pretty funny though.everyone had an idea of what they wanted to dress up as.but had so many things missing for the costume.

i just ended up dressing up.get it?hee.just as a POPSTAR.i think the spice girls reunion has gotten to my head though.everytime someone asks me what im gonna be i just say.'oh,posh spice!'haha.nothing like her.she has short hair.she's hell skinny and pretty.married to a rich soccer player.ha.but i guess thats what dress up parties are for.to be someone or something you want to be but know its not possible.FANTASIZE.

the hippie.

the pretty angel:)

she thinks she looks like ginny weasley.haha!puhlease!im just kidding.in person she does remind you of her.

chrissy finds it so bloody hard to smile in front of the camera.I SWEAR.

2007-08-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

some customer's were being a bitch today.but there were 2 that really made my day:)

so,i was doing drive thru.getting money from a customer.another one drive's through.
customer : is this thing broken?
me :i'll be with you shortly.
customer :no worries,mate.
me:sorry bout the wait can i take your order?
customer:don't apologize!you're just doing your job.

so he makes his order and drives to the second window to pay.
(while getting money)customer :so how has your day been?
me:pretty bad.
customer: whys that?
me :people haven't been very nice.
customer: aww really?thats not very appropriate.why don't we try cheering you up?how bout we tell you a real funny joke!(he thinks for a while) naw..sorry love dont have one.(turns to his mate)how bout you have you got one?
customer's friend: yeah!yeah!(his wallet's against his chin,he looks like he's thinking real hard)naw,i'm really sorry dont have one.
customer:oh well,really hope your day gets better.cheer up mate.love your specs!pink frames!

haha.yeah.bunch of awesome people.
another customer after said he loved me.hahahhaa!

2007-08-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

i'm curious.intrigued.

i want to watch '' The ' L ' Word".

haha.

shall rent it next week.after i'm done with all the tests and assignments.

yeah.thats my plan.

2007-08-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

i don't know if i can carry on with my plan.oh mann.i really want to meet someone though.how?how?!
i'm joining this youth group thing anyways.it is some kind of a first step yeap?meeting new people and all.hope all goes well.

Costume party next weekend!
what should i go as??
a little help here dear friends :)

2007-07-28T00:32:00.000+08:00

today was pupil free day.slept in till like 11.30.shiok ah!

first day back at school wasn't too bad.i actually missed my friends here too.it was really good seeing them.and one thing that surprised me was people i hardly ever talked to were asking me how my holidays were.and this guy morgan asked me if i was going to the academy is gig.and we just started talkin.ha.kinda weird.

it had been touched in a way it didn't like :P

pamela tan through matt fenwick's eyes.ha.

before i came here,i told myself i wanted a change.i was kinda sick of being myself, inside and out.i think physically wise i'm getting happier with myself.but inside, i hate it.i still find it hard to open up and be more sociable.

i want to be daring.more confident with myself.i want to ask a hot aussie guy out.and not care about what he thinks.haha.seriously.i kid you not.i want to flirt!omg.just try for once.i dont think i do that now.haha.tell me if i do.but yeah i think it'd be fun.i want to prove to vickaye that i can be attracted to cute guys.and that chi-na guys are totally out of the picture for me.i will get one here!hahaha.

i have a choice to make my life exciting.and i shall:D

2007-07-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

i was just getting used to the humidity.but we had to go.it was freezing when we arrived here.i actually prefer being all sweaty and sticky then cold and dry.i can't believe i'm back here.another 143 days.yes i do have a lot of time on my hands to do the counting.and yes i am quite retarded.haha.i was given false hope at the airport yesterday that we could stay for an extra night.the flight was overbooked,so they said they might have to put us on the midnight flight or the next morning.i was overjoyed!unfortunately,they found us seats.bugger.

CAN I BE YOUR MEMORY?

i had a blast the last 2 weeks.thanks to everyone who took time off to hang out with me.i know everybody was hell busy with school work and stuff.so thanks so much!

to vic,ally and yvelyn:you guys woke up so early on a school day just to have mcdonald's delivery brekkie with me at 5.30 am in the morning.i really appreciate it and i love you guys so much!and the day i arrived you guys spent the whole night with me.i am soo blessed!

to marisse,bryan,bong,zac,leslie,sean,lynn,cheryl,holly,chloe,avery,kenneth:
thanks for the acoustic special zac and bong.you guys rock!and to everyone else for just being there.was pretty upset because of some stuffs but you guys made my day.and especially to lynn ,you knew your dad would freak cos you were way over your curfew but you came anyway.youre my bitch.haha.love all!

to the goons that i saw:i know every one of you were really busy with projects and school work.but you guys still made time for me.i love you guys heaps!

to jiaming priss and mel:thanks for making my last day an awesome one.loves much

2007-07-20T00:49:00.000+08:00

i was fucking tired today.i don't know why.i got up pretty late.it could be my contacts hey?has been bothering me for quite a while.

planned to sleep the minute i got back home.but i became such a fucking emotional wreck.it only hit me that i was going back in just three days time.how fucking fast is that?
going back there means:1)no life.fuckin hell.i'm serious!i need my mum to drive me around everywhere.the transport system is fucking hopeless.i'm not in the popular group and shit.so parties are out.my friends parents are hell strict.so they cant go out much.fuck.
2)fucking corpus shithole.english is driving me insane!and my fuckin teacher isnt helping me much.like so what if im doing well in every other subject?if i do shit in english,i cant fucking go to UNI!!and then there's the people.they may all look mature lah.but some of them are fucking immature fools and bitches.which annoys me to hell.
3)work.i know the pay might be damn high all.but it gets so sickening sometimes.like the customers and managers can piss you off so much!

i am so going to miss the late nights out.my independence.not having to rely on my parents.

part of the reason why i broke down tonight was because i felt so fucking frustrated with my parents.i think that feeling will never go away.i blame them for the hurt that i feel.
making me put in so much effort into o levels.and the certificate is now useless to me.
not giving me a chance to experience life in poly.i really really wanted to go to ngee ann.

anything that frustrates me is that they're so freaking overprotective!omg!like i'm only here for 2 weeks.i havent seen my friends for 6 months.they set me such early curfews.and they want to know every single detail.like who im with.where im going.hoe long for.all that kinda shit.okay fine so they want me back early.so my friends offer to come over to spend time with me.since i cant go out.and they're not happy either.what the fuck?then they're always on about how im spending too much time with my friends.always eating out.so i kept myself free for lunch today.they told me to,since saturday.but in the end they cancel it.dad says its a bit of a rush and my mum says she wants to do shopping instead.fuck lah.my mum's birthday was last tuesday right?wanted to bring her out for lunch but she was all like oh we're having dinner already.how bout next week?bitch lah.she doesnt even fucking care.

so fucking pissed off now.arghh!
and im thinking too.shit,this is my first holiday back after only 6 months.i have got fucking 5 more years to go till im done with studies and i can come back here to work.FUCK LAH!!life is such a bitch.

back to reality.in about 72 hours.